A real low point...

  Another long coach journey, traveling from Mackay to Townsville, further north. I was feeling a bit deflated,  I got so caught up being positive and maybe I was just being naive this whole time thinking I would get a job. I started to worry about debts, money and what I would do when I finished nannying since finding work was apparently impossible. I started to worry about a lot of things. I was being negative. I was on my own again, with no real security yet.  I needed a hug from Craig or my mum or just a friend to be struggling with me. I started to miss home and everyone I'd left behind and had a bit of a sob... 

Eventually I put things into perspective, realised that I was actually incredibly lucky, I got to visit parts of Australia and I've met some amazing people who have been my security just knowing they are in the same country and are there if/when I need them, I started to think about all the things that I appreciated at this moment such as the small fact that id made it this far. being negative didn't alter anything, it didn't change my situation it just made me sad and made me feel like nothing was possible. I needed motivation, I needed something that was going to inspire me, and I remembered "the alchemist" an iBook I'd read already once before I came to Australia. The book is about a shepherd in Spain who sold his flock of sheep to go on a journey to see the pyramids of Egypt. My description does this book no justice at all but the motivational and inspirational paragraphs in the book are amazing. There was one bit in it that stood out to me more than anything at that time  

“What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.’
“Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.”

 I mean i appreciate how poetic "soul of the world" sounds but just to clarify, the book is one big philosophical metaphor that will motivate you, whatever your dream or ambition is, not just for traveler folk. I have to admit (and i feel highly uneducated saying this) But even that paragraph confuses me but i just about get it

basically when you really want something, when your going after your dream 'beginners luck' is that initial easy period when you've just bagged that job or been accepted on that course etc (in my case i got the job as an au pair or i probably would never have come to Australia) but then, your tested, you struggle, not because some higher power (wether that's god, the universe or whatever it is you believe)  wants you to struggle but by struggling, by jumping through those hoops you are facing new experiences and you are learning and growing as a person, so it's not just about reaching the goal of your dream, the most important part is the journey.

After spending a night in a hostel in Townsville, I took a coach an hour and a half inland to charters towers. Mel told me to meet her at Woolworth's (supermarket here in Aus'). Of course there were 2 Woolworth's (why do people do this to me!!?!)  so I call The pub Mel works in as she has no home phone and no Mobile, they tell me she's left and she should be there any minute but to go to the bigger Woolworth's. 

Confusion out the way I finally met Mel. Mel seemed very young in both her appearance and the way she was, very happy too and very easy going. I Helped her with the Shopping, during which, I highlighted what a huge appetite I had and I think we got about 10 days (30 days for the average person) worth of breakfast, little did I know I wouldn't be seeing a Woolworth's again till I got back to Townsville (devastated - not kidding #ilovefoodtoomuch)