There was one time in the kitchen where it was really busy and I barely knew what I was doing as I'd only worked at the till once before. Hannah was getting really impatient and even Sam the cook started to reflect the attitude Hannah was giving me. She's sarcastic anyway which I can take but when it's 2 on one its just not right. I was just getting bitchy looks followed by something really condescending or arrogant and if I chose not to speak because of this response, I would get it from Sam for not asking questions and subsequently guessing my way through the day. I felt like shouting "YOU TRY ASKING HITLER OVER THERE QUESTIONS" but instead I said fuck this, stormed out and spent 15 mins in the toilets having a sob. Pathetic. 22 years old and basically getting bullied.
It was a strange experience in base. I felt like I was back in high school again , it felt like it was a bit clicky and I started to feel like a bit of an outcast. So strange that backpackers can be like that because 99% of anybody I had met all shared the same passion for travel and were all open to making new friends wherever they were from in the world because we all help one another out. Even some of the backpackers who appear most strange, everyone is just welcomed with open arms and given a chance. we Give each other advice along the way about where to go, what to see, best place to find work etc. it's generally a huge support network and right there in base, on an island was just a huge bitching network. Initially I thought I had possibly done something to upset someone and did the whole self blame thing.... Like there must have been something wrong with me for a total stranger to have taken an instant dislike to me (someone get the violin out). I asked around about Hannah and the other girls woofing had a similar opinion about Hannah and that she gives new woofers the cold shoulder, and it's just an initial thing you have to go through since she's been there 3 months or something and you have to stay for some time before you get any respect.
Well I've never been one to conform or kiss ass to that kind of bullshit (ok yes ill cry about it....) so I was kind of just biding my time until an opportunity came about where I could really let loose on Hannah and tell her what I thought of her. I wasnt going to continue to take her shit it was pathetic and i think she spent way too long in one place. It didn't take long, all she had to do was be a bitch to the point where it was horribly obvious and all I had to do was be annoyingly nice to her. It's not like I'd planned It that way but that's what happened.
I'd just been admiring the stars one night which were incredible on the island, you can make out the Milky Way, a billion tiny stars in one thick streak across the sky. It's just different, something you don't expect even though your on the other side of the world, you don't expect the stars to be so different to back home. It's the Southern Hemisphere though. Of course it's different! The southern cross is on the Australian flag, though I didn't know that till I got here either and I spent a night on the beach with a couple of backpackers trying to make out certain constellations and counting shooting stars.
I made my way back to my dorm where a drunk Hannah and Callum were looking up at the stars too, I thought of Craig when I saw the 2 of them.
"Romantic isnt it?"
"FUCKKKK YOUUUUUUU"
Callum put his hand over Hannah's mouth... Tooooo late Callum. Too late.
So that was it, following that I let loose on exactly what I thought of Hannah, the words arrogant and ignorant came out... Her response was to focus entirely on the word ignorant and defend herself by telling me all about how smart she was.... If she was smart enough she would have realised ignorant has 2 definitions. However the bitching between us became a debate over the definition of ignorant (which I laugh at now "no it means this..." No it doesn't it means this..." Like children... Haha) it went on to me telling her that either way her attitude sucked and I wasn't tolerating it anymore. What I didn't understand was her telling me that shed never had a problem with anybody and why hasn't anybody said these kind of things to her before. My guess was that nobody had ever yet confronted her? Because she can't have just been like that to me... Other girls in the hostel had already confirmed this. She went on to say that I was in no position to pass judgement on her when I hadn't even been able to hold down a job so what does that say about me. Ouch. At this point Callum was holding her back from getting at me and although I was ready To swing a punch at that last comment I just walked away. Id said my piece. I wasn't tolerating it and that was that.
The following morning I sat on the steps after getting ready and waited for work time. Phil asked me what happened. I tried, and as I suspected she started to talk over me to defend Hannah... So I explained I wasn't interested in talking if that was what I was going to get. Phill let me talk. She disregarded the fact that Hannah had said "fuck you" and just said I was probably not understanding her sense of humour and we were just very different people.
Complete and utter bollux. I explained how she was with me in the kitchen, I got the impression she thought I was just being sensitive and Hannah's ignorance is just her in her own world... Absolute bollux. I wasn't believing a word. They were both ass holes from the start.
Phill acknowledged I was there a bit more from then on and Hannah stopped giving me shit though she continued to be ignorant especially around phill. It's crazy, it's like big brother, I stood up, made a bit of a song and dance and all of a sudden a get a bit of respect. The psychology of the human mind is bizarre. If everyone was nice there wouldn't be a problem? Even if we didn't click as people. You can be nice right? Love makes the world go round... And I just can't stand it when people don't have a good heart. As far as I know Hannah was a good person, a lot of people liked Hannah and I'm sure she was, she just wasn't nice to me. I don't know if maybe, I showed up a little too confident and it was seen as arrogance and that was it? Opinion of me made and I was hated? Or maybe phill WAS right... I know it's useless to dwell on the drama of events past but when situations like this happen I always like to think I've taken something, learnt something, been made better off in some way but in this instance Im completely confused.
When the girls left the hostel Kieron approached me and said it was like big brother and he thinks Hannah was intimidated by me and that's all it was. I'm not sure about that but he did say it wasn't me. I appreciated that.
The rest of the days in the hostel consisted of welcoming in new woofers, busy busy busy kitchen shifts and on my days off, chilling by the pool and jumping over the rocks on the beach to reach a small private beach with clear shallow waters. One time I went there a girl was having her photo taken on a huge rock (no idea how she climbed up there) topless. Another time I met a guy from Denmark who was a couch surfing host and said I was welcome to go to his for food. He seemed nice enough and I'm sure the offer was completely innocent but since i was in my bikini I just felt too exposed and vulnerable so I'd Initially said yes and that I'd like to spend some time on the beach first but after 10 mins of thinking logically and not listening to my hungry stomach I said I appreciated his offer but I'd have to decline. I think I made some excuse too, anyway he seemed pretty pissed off. Not sure why but it made me glad I didn't go. Silly man.
One time I was climbing back over the rocks on the sea front, the tide was coming In fast and where I could jump easily through the rocks before, there was now just a huge gap where the sea had come in so I had no other choice but to swim. Bad, bad idea. The sea crashed against me, throwing me into rocks and in parts where I could possibly stand it was difficult to judge and I ended up cutting my knees from the waves throwing me about. I was taken under water a couple of times. holding on or trying to climb on top of rocks was useless as moss had made some slippy and barnacles had made others impossible. so I swam out away from the rocks where the waves were calmer and eventually got a good grip on a rock to climb on further along. I made it back to the hostel, cap missing and jacket soaked.
I was walking to the supermarket one day with sore feet and a blister developing when I'd bumped into Fred again. Fred had a boat on shore right by the marlin bar where I was also working and had offered me to stay over there. I was obviously cautious. It's not like I could run away if I didn't like it. I'd have to be a good swimmer if he was an axe swinging maniac so I'd said it was really nice of him but I was quite settled in base hostel. I was being my usual dopey self and arrived at the checkout with Fred coincidently and $10 short which I'd dropped on the floor on one of the isles, Fred kindly offered to pay but I managed to rescue the money. Fred also gave me a lift back to the hostel that day. He seemed a bit too forward for my liking but he was kind and he had an enormous heart so I decided to take Fred up on his offer one night when he had another backpacker over, which made me feel tonnes more comfortable about the whole thing.
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